


Lily's Worst Memory

by TheMysticWolf36



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Gen, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Snape's Worst Memory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-22
Updated: 2019-05-22
Packaged: 2020-03-09 18:59:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18923098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMysticWolf36/pseuds/TheMysticWolf36
Summary: “Leave him alone,” Lily repeated, aiming for calm. Potter only ever seemed encouraged when she was angry at him. “What’s he done to you?”“Well,” Potter said—slowly, as though he were actually thinking, “it’s more the fact that he exists, if you know what I mean…”Basically what it says on the tin, Snape's Worst Memory from Lily's perspective. All dialogue in the interaction between Lily, James, and Snape comes from the book, but everything else is mine.





	Lily's Worst Memory

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this for a class, decided I'd post it.
> 
> I know disclaimers are somewhat out of fashion, but considering the amount of text I have from the book in here... hem hem:
> 
>  
> 
> **I do not own the _Harry Potter_ series, _Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix_ , or any of the rights regarding that text. I do not claim ownership over any text quoted from that book here. Any and all quoted text belongs to J.K. Rowling, Scholastic, and their affiliates.**

_The Knockback Jinx, the Tongue-Tying Curse, any form of_ Verdimillious _, though_ Tria _would probably be best…_

Lily tapped her quill against her desk, wracking her brains for spells she was _certain_ she knew. She just needed to breathe and focus. She started counting on her fingers:

 _Knockback, Tongue-Tie, Ver, Duo, Tria…_ Rictusempra _, might work… a well-placed Conjunctivitis Curse too, if–_

“Five more minutes!”

Lily jumped at Professor Flitwick’s voice and glanced up at the large clock at the front of the hall. It read that there were five minutes left of the exam period, just as Flitwick had said. She cursed under her breath. Merlin, she hated timed essays. She took a slow, deep breath. She could do this.

 _If a witch or wizard is facing an opponent of greater magical skill than they, using simple spells to prevent their opponents from casting is best. Such spells may include the Knockback Jinx, the Tongue-Tying Curse, or the Conjunctivitis Curse. Other spells, such as_ Verdimillious _or_ Rictusempra _could work, but will do less to inhibit an opponent than those previously mentioned. In the case of such spells being blocked, however…_

As Lily started putting the words to parchment, she found that the rest were ready to follow, and she wrote as quickly as she could without smearing the wet ink. Perhaps this essay wouldn’t turn out as terrible as she had feared. She only needed one or two more sentences to finish this paragraph, and then–

“Quills down, please!” Lily froze, her quill in the middle of a word, and closed her eyes. _Damn_ . “That means you too, Stebbins! Please remain seated while I collect your parchment! _Accio!_ ” Lily set down her quill and watched forlornly as her exam flew to the front of the hall.

The rolls of parchment knocked Professor Flitwick to the floor and Lily snorted. From what Alice had told her it was not the first time it had happened, and Lily guessed that it would not be the last. She glanced in the direction of where she knew Severus sat, behind Adrian Vane, but he was absorbed in the question sheet, likely critiquing the questions rather than his own answers. She would find him later to ask how he had done—Severus was good company, but his frustration with professors’ expectations (low, in his opinion) got old rather quickly. Lily sighed softly and began tucking away her quills, parchment, and ink while Flitwick was brought back to his feet.

“Thank you . . . thank you. Very well, everybody, you’re free to go!”

Lily rose from her seat and slung her bag over her shoulder. She tried not to focus too much on the final question. It was only question, on one exam, and she still had her practical to make up points. This was not the end of the world! It just felt like it…

“Hey, Evans!”

Lily jumped half a foot in the air and turned, about to pull her wand on Potter and whatever flirtation or prank he had planned next, then scowled when she saw Marlene McKinnon’s laughing face and Potter nowhere to be found.

“Y-your face!” Marlene cackled. “Merlin, I’ve been waiting to do that, and you–” She broke off in another peal of laughter, almost doubling over.

Lily rolled her eyes and turned on her heel, walking again towards the Entrance Hall.

“Hey, wait, c’mon– Lily!” Lily couldn’t help smirking slightly at the sound of Marlene running to catch up to her; longer legs were a definite advantage. “Jeez, can’t you give a girl a break?” Marlene looped her arm through Lily’s and pushed her black bangs out of her eyes.

“Hm. I’m not quite sure you deserve one after that.”

“Oh please, it was funny. Besides, you have to admit, that was a good Potter impression, right?” Lily stared resolutely ahead. She wouldn’t give Marlene the satisfaction. “Right?” Marlene tugged a bit on her arm, but Lily ignored her still. “ _Right?_ ” Marlene careened into her and the two of them nearly found themselves on the ground—Lily couldn’t help but laugh.

“All right, all right, _yes!_ I thought it was him for a second.” Marlene made an exclamatory sound. “But only for a second!”

“A second still counts, Lily, my dear!”

Lily rolled her eyes again—but she was smiling now—and unhooked her arm from Marlene’s.

Marlene looked at her curiously. “Where are you off to?”

“The library. I want to just brush up on some of the spells that might come up in the–”

“Nope.”

“I– What?” Lily raised an eyebrow in Marlene’s direction. The other girl was staring back at her defiantly, hands on her hips.

“Didn’t you hear me? I said ‘Nope.’”

“I heard you, but I don’t–”

“You are _not_ going back into that musty old library to study spells that you _already_ know, that we _all_ know you’re going to cast perfectly.”

“Don’t let Mr. Pennifold hear you calling his library musty.”

Marlene ignored her deflection. “Lily, come _on!_ It’s still early, the sun is shining, the birds are singing–”

“Marlene, I really need to study.”

“You do not!” Marlene drew herself to her full height (which was not particularly high, all things considered) and looked Lily fiercely in the eye. “Lilian Evans–”

“It’s just Lily, you know that.”

“–I will not rest until you see the sun on this day!”

“Look, the sun is right there through that window. See, I've seen it, now– Marlene!”

Marlene was now dragging Lily by the hand through the Entrance Hall toward the main doors.

“You and I,” she said grandly, “are going down to the lake, and we’re going to see Dorcas, and you are going to _relax_ —yes, I know!” She gasped when Lily made a sound of protest. “Relaxation, what is that? It’s been so long, you’ve forgotten. Well, not to worry, love, we’ll have you fixed up quick as a flash.”

Lily groaned, but Marlene was not to be argued with when she was this determined. Hopefully if Lily sat with them by the lake for a few minutes she would be able to sneak off and get some extra practice in.

When they met Dorcas, she was lying down by the lakeside with her eyes closed, practically sunbathing but for her robes, more than happy to ignore the rest of the world. As they approached, Lily glanced at Marlene, and to no great surprise she was grinning rather deviously. Lily stifled a smile.

“Are yo–” she started, but as quickly as she started speaking, Marlene had dropped her hand and was rushing toward Dorcas. Lily shook her head fondly and followed more slowly behind. Marlene ran up and dropped abruptly to her knees at Dorcas’ side, and Lily burst out laughing at what could only be described as a squawk from Dorcas.

“Horrid,” Dorcas spat as she sat up, glaring at Marlene and Lily in turn. Lily sat down on her other side. “Absolutely horrid, the both of you.”

“And what am I horrid for?” Lily asked in mock-indignation.

“You let it happen, didn’t you?”

Lily hummed. “Maybe I did.” Dorcas shoved her, and Lily laughed. “I’m sorry, Dorcas, but you’re so _funny_ when you’re startled.”

Dorcas grumbled, even if Lily knew that she wasn’t really upset. “Yeah, sure, funny my ars–”

“It’s so hot out!” Marlene cut her off, and Lily had to cover her mouth with her hand lest she receive Dorcas’ glare as well. Marlene simply smiled in the face of it. Braver than an Auror, that one. “Can you believe it’s already June?”

“ _I_ certainly can’t,” Lily said, jumping on this new topic and trying not to giggle at the expression on Dorcas’ face.

“Come on, let’s cool off.” Marlene was already taking off her socks and shoes as she said it, and Dorcas and Lily quickly followed her example. The cool water of the lake was a shock to their sweaty feet, but it felt lovely in all the warmth. It wasn’t an oppressive heat, but Spring was certainly ending, and it was hot enough that Dorcas had tied her long blonde hair into a messy knot at the nape of her neck. Lily thought it was lovely. Perhaps Marlene had been right—she shouldn’t put so much stress on herself.

Lily told her so and Marlene grinned widely.

“You see? That big brain of yours needs to _breathe_ every once in a while, Lils. You can’t just keep it stifled up in that castle or you’ll go bonkers.”

Lily snorted. “Maybe,” she said, “but I could never get to be as bonkers as you.”

“Oh really?” Marlene asked, suddenly haughty. For all that she liked to tease them, Marlene could learn to take a bit of her own medicine.

“Oh yeah, she’s right,” Dorcas said seriously. Marlene turned to her. “You’re certifiably mad, got the report from the Healer myself.”

“ _You_ –” Marlene started, but she was drowned out briefly by the sound of loud laughter behind them. The three girls turned around to see that something of a crowd had formed closer to the castle.

Dorcas groaned. “What in hell is going on now?” She flopped back on the grass. “Does there always have to be something going on? Can’t we exist for an hour without some other sort of drama? Half an hour at least!”

Lily didn’t disagree with her that there was a lot of drama, but it kept things interesting at the least. Something to focus on other than classes and the bitter cold that plagued the castle for much of the year.

Marlene craned her neck to see between the students that made up the slowly growing crowd. Whatever it was, it seemed to be entertaining.

“Looks like it’s just Black and Potter up to their usual nonsense.” Lily made a disinterested noise. Scratch that entertainment idea, the crowd must simply be drawn by their stupidity. “And… oh.”

“What?” Lily looked curiously at Marlene. She wasn’t a gossip per say, but Marlene was always interested in what had caught their classmates’ attention.

“Nothing, it’s just…” Lily stared at her. She seemed reluctant to say. Marlene grimaced. “It looks like they’re pestering Snape again.”

Lily’s eyes went wide. “Sev’s up there?” She scrambled to get her feet under her and pulled out her wand. Fury was swelling in her like a hot air balloon. Who did those… those arseholes think they were?!

Marlene looked quickly between the scene and Lily, biting her lip. “Lily, maybe you shouldn’t…”

Lily paid her no mind though, and she saw Dorcas waving Marlene off from the corner of her eye. “Let her go. It’s not like you’d stop her.”

She wasn’t wrong. Lily had already crossed half the distance to the crowd. She was close enough now that she could see Severus on the ground, spitting up some pink substance, and Potter, Black, and Pettigrew looming over him like vultures. Lily grit her teeth and increased her speed.

“Leave him ALONE!”

Potter and Black immediately looked around, Potter already mussing up his stupid hair. Lily was coming right for him and the few people who were in her way moved quickly out of it.

“All right, Evans?” Potter asked pleasantly, as though he weren’t torturing her best friend in front of their entire year.

“Leave him alone,” Lily repeated, aiming for calm. Potter only ever seemed encouraged when she was angry at him. “What’s he done to you?”

“Well,” Potter said—slowly, as though he were actually thinking, “it’s more the fact that he _exists_ , if you know what I mean…”

Her classmates laughed, especially Black and Pettigrew, but Lily only glared more fiercely, eyes narrowed.

“You think you’re funny,” she said coldly. “But you’re just an arrogant, bullying toerag, Potter. Leave him _alone_.”

“I will if you go out with me, Evans,” Potter said quickly. “Go on… Go out with me, and I’ll never lay a wand on old Snivelly again.”

A wave of disgust rolled through Lily, and it took all she could not to spit in his face. How could anyone stand to be around him?

“I wouldn’t go out with you if it was a choice between you and the giant squid,” she said firmly.

“Bad luck, Prongs,” said Black, as he had so many times before, and he turned swiftly, wand out. “OY!”

Lily turned just in time to see that Severus had broken out of whatever jinx Potter had placed to hex him back, drawing blood. It might have even been one he had made up himself. He hadn’t shown her all of them, but she knew he was always thinking, always coming up with ways to improve their spells—or to harm, as had been the case since he started spending time with Mulciber and his lot.

Potter responded just as quickly, and in a moment and a flash of light, Severus was hanging upside down by his ankle, and his robes fell over his head, Sev’s legs and underwear hanging out for the world to see. Everyone around her laughed.

Lily almost, _almost_ smiled, only because that spell was a particular favorite of hers to see—but not when it was done this cruelly. She schooled her expression.

“Let him down!”

“Certainly,” Potter said, and with a quick jerk, Severus had fallen back on the ground.

Severus worked to get to his feet, held his wand aloft, but the moment he was off the ground Black hit him with the Body-Bind Curse, and he had fallen again.

Lily saw red. She drew her wand on them. “LEAVE HIM ALONE!”

Potter and Black looked warily at her wand. The only time they showed her any sort of respect, it seemed, was when she had them at wandpoint.

“Ah, Evans, don’t make me hex you.” Potter seemed to mean it, too. _As if._ But at least it would give her an edge.

“Take the curse off him, then!”

Potter sighed—much like a child who’d had his dessert privileges taken away—and quietly muttered the countercurse in Snape’s direction.

“There you go,” Potter said mockingly, as Snape struggled to stand. “You’re lucky Evans was here, Snivellus–”

“I don’t need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!”

Lily blinked, staring frozen at Severus. Had he really…?

“Fine,” she said coolly. “I won’t bother in future. And I’d wash your pants if I were you, _Snivellus_.” She blinked again, more rapidly, but she wouldn’t react in public. She should have known, from the way he’d been acting–

“Apologize to Evans!” Potter screamed, and Lily was so _done_ with stupid boys and their _stupid_ egos.

“I don’t want _you_ to make him apologize,” she shouted, turning on him. “You’re as bad as he is…”

“What?” Potter asked, and he seemed truly startled by her reaction, idiot that he was. “I’d NEVER call you a—you-know-what!”

“Messing up your hair because you think it looks cool to look like you’ve just got off your broomstick, showing off with that stupid Snitch, walking down corridors and hexing anyone who annoys you just because you can–” Lily shook her head in disgust– “I’m surprised your broomstick can get off the ground with that fat head on it. You make me SICK.”

She turned sharply around and started briskly away from them—all of them.

“Evans!” Potter shouted behind her. “Hey, EVANS!”

Lily refused to turn around, refused to give him the satisfaction, and soon enough he’d stopped calling after her.

She hurried back to their spot on the lake and grabbed her shoes and socks, almost falling over in her haste to put them on.

“Lily?” said a quiet voice. Lily looked up and both Dorcas and Marlene were looking at her, their faces drawn. By the expressions on their faces she knew that they had heard. She looked down again. Dorcas continued, “Are you–”

“I’m going to find a classroom,” Lily said swiftly, still not looking at them. She fumbled once, twice with the laces of her shoes before she’d tied them. “To work in, that is. I still need–” Her voice wavered for a moment and she paused before trying again. “I still need to practice the spells for the practical exam, and I’d rather do it inside.”

“Do you… want some company?” Marlene asked tentatively.

“No, I think I’d really rather be alone,” Lily said. She looked up briefly to smile without humor, and the look on Marlene’s face made her ache. She averted her gaze again. How many times had they told her that Sev was no good? How many times had they tried to convince her to stay away from him, the same as she had warned him away from Avery and Mulciber. She should have expected this. Marlene and Dorcas clearly had.

“All right… If you’re certain…” Marlene said. Lily didn’t bother meeting their eyes again. She didn’t think she would be able to bear it. She started stuffing the few things she had pulled out back into her bag

“I am. I really am, thank you, girls, but I’m fine.” She gave that little smile again and felt her eyes burn at the corners. Lily steeled herself. Not until she was safe within the castle walls where no one else would see. She didn’t know which was worse, the shame or the hurt. At this point they seemed to have melded together.

“Okay…” Marlene said softly.

“Should we come find you before the exam?” Dorcas asked.

Lily shook her head firmly. “No, I’ll– I’ll meet you in the Great Hall. Wouldn’t want you to be late, trying to look for me. I’ll be all right.”

“Okay…”

Lily straightened up and placed her bag her shoulder. She smiled tightly at Dorcas and Marlene. “See you two at the practical, all right?”

“All right,” Marlene said.

“We’re here if you need anything,” Dorcas said pointedly.

Lily nodded stiffly and turned around, walking swiftly toward the castle. She took the long way around just to avoid Potter and his little crowd. Besides, this way was quieter, more peaceful. And, if she had to wipe at her face for any reason, well, there was no one there to see it.

**Author's Note:**

> If you're interested in anything else that I've written, you can also find me on tumblr!
> 
> https://shadowedlamplight.tumblr.com


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